wanna go halves on a baby?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
