he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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