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You're my little dorito
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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