i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
