oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
