you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
