this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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