Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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