Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
