Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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