Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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