So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
