hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize