apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're a waste of cheezeits
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
