operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
