oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
