I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
