she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
