just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Someone came in the potted fern
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
