I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
