He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
