its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
