drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
