I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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