I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
