Got a toothbrush?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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