I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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