True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
