I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
