the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
