Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
