Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When are your genitals available?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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