I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
