We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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