he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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