i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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