A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your penis caused this!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
