Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
