you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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