Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
