Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize