Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish you could order shots online.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
