my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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