nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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