the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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