i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
