This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
