There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Found the puke drawer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
