Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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