Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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