i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
