ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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