i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
