so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
