Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
