Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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