dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My hand turned me down
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
