i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
