Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
