She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
