Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
