sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
