actually, I'm a sock model
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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