Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
