She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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