I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
