The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
