someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
