i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
