well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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