just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
