The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
